Drivers Liscense Hell aka Kansas DMV

The following events are true and very real. The identity of the following events will not be protected in any way since it makes them all the more real. OK. So you know how when you move from one state to another you have to register your cars and get new plates and eventually you have to switch over your loverly drivers license (take another humiliating picture). So since I am an expert in navigating the first few items (having moved to kansas then to minnesota and back to kansas in the last 3 years) I decided to let the drivers license slide for awhile. After about 3 months into my "slide" Mary calls me at work and says that someone at the store pointed out that her license was expired. So that meant we needed to take action! So one Monday we decided to go and get them done during my lunch break. We pull up and thought we had hit the lotto! Empty lot. As Napoleon says... YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. We run to the door and almost immediately smack face first into the glass. "Sorry we are closed on Mondays" WHAT THE??? OK so being a bit fed up with that we tried again. We get there and we make it inside this time. Right as you walk in there is a big sign that reads "Effective FEB 1 2009 Kansas will no longer accept your prior states drivers license as proof of ID. You need your Birth Cert". CRAP we were standing there reading the good news on February 6th. Needless to say we had not brought them with us. Even if we had known Mary had lost hers in the move. So now I had to fill out papers to have a new Birth Cert expedited so she could have proper ID. FEB 20th the blessed day the new Birth Cert arrives and we fly to the DMV. We are in luck as the line has only 2 people in it. Things are clicking well. We get to the counter and we get our info processed faster because the last time we lived in the state was only a year earlier so we only have to pay half price! WOW all those bad feelings are slipping away. Then we move to take our pictures. Mary goes first. She looks great. I notice the room has really filled up. Twenty or maybe 30 people waiting now. Man I feel even better. My turn. The guy tells me to smile and I do. SNAP! Picture taken. Then out of no where some old crusty "Large Marge" of a lady comes flying over to the area where the man is examining my photograph. She points and without any subtlety blurts out... "HE'S TRYING TO HIDE HIS DOUBLE CHIN!!!" "SEE?" "SEE?" The man agrees with her. The whole room full of people then stop to stare and focus on the scandal. The man then proceeds to tell me that I may not tilt my head up so far as to try and hide it. "Extra Large Marge" then says to me... "YOU KNOW WHAT CURES THAT DON'T YOU?" and before I can even move she once again blurts out "A LOT LESS DONUTS IN THE MORNING". OK. So most of you know me and lately I am not the most physically fit guy BUT come on! Unfortunately I am a better dish-er than taker. Well from then on the rest was a hazy blur of Mary and the other total strangers making fun and getting their jolly's. I think that we all look for that little piece of heaven on earth but that fateful day on Feb 20, 2009 I stumbled into Hell aka the Kansas DMV.